On Emotional Music

Listening to: “Warmth Is Gone” – Fire Emblem Fates

Sometimes, people ask me why I like emotional music – sad music, in particular.

I look at them, and ask, “Why not?”

Emotional music reminds me of my mortality.

That everyday isn’t to be taken for granted. That it’s okay to cry and break down, because sometimes it WILL happen. That emotions will overwhelm you and you can’t control it.

That life, sometimes, will hit you in the heart and you WILL cry. You WILL break down in tears.

But it’s okay.

You’re human. I’m human. So’s everyone.

I think sad music evokes a sense of heaviness that makes us think, makes us contemplate.

It reminds us to feel.

Reminds us that we aren’t invincible.

So stay humble.

Stay connected.

Don’t lose your heart.

Another Case

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Source: in5d.com

My worth is but nothing – thus I choose this road, for my freedom and for me.

Call me a coward, if you will, but to me?

What lies before me is pure and utter freedom from the chains I was bound by

Free from all the pain, the suffering and lies.”

Recently, someone committed suicide in my university yesterday.

Several have commented about the case, but after seeing a few mentioning that the institution could have done more about it and things like “Should have just asked for help”, I felt like I had to say something, at least.

It isn’t that easy.

While it is true that the university as well as similar institutions provide counselling services and such, it is not just about having the aforementioned services. It’s more about whether the student suffering from such issues have the courage to actually approach them.

To those suffering from such issues, taking the step to approach them is like Mount Everest. They don’t want to be weak, don’t dare to be. They fear. They’re scared. They might be having a lot of things on their mind.

Maybe they’re overthinking it, you think. Approaching for help is easy, you say. But you don’t know what goes in their mind.

Imagine having those little voices, saying that you aren’t good enough, life isn’t worth it – messages like that by the dozens and living with it for, possibly, a long period of time. What and how they think – we do not know.

Institutions can only do so much.

It is up to the people who have them to take the first step, to reach out.

‘Balancing on a beam high up on the cliff,
Two paths lie before me, open and waylaid,
Which should I choose? Which should I take?
I know I should live, but I am afraid.’

A Word of Encouragement

So here’s a message that I just felt like sharing.

I think all of us, whether we know it or not, have the potential to seek, to pursue what we want endlessly, but that it’s our choice whether to try or not. Because if we aren’t willing to try and willing to fail, when will we ever be?

I think that all of us are beautiful, inside and outside no matter what society says these days. That you, dear reader, are beautiful and bright and wonderful – so don’t give up and don’t give in, because hey, there’s only one of you in this world and no one can ever truly replace you even if they try.

Some people will come and go, but that’s what makes life, life. Circumstances can come and devastate, but yet at times it brings unimaginable beauty and wonder, with its unpredictability and wildness – whether it be in form of nature, the world around us or the people in our lives.

There’s a saying – “Happiness is a choice.” I agree with this, because why choose to look at the negative and dwell on it so much – to the point that you only exist, but don’t live? In the end, the negativity will only bring more negativity to yourself.

So things may be difficult at times, but sometimes, there may be a silver lining that you never saw. Maybe that silver lining is more self-confidence – the realization that “Wait a minute, this situation brought this into my life” – or something.

So dare to dream, dare to hope. But most of all, dare to live – and remember, the world’s never truly in black and white.

“Let the morning light be for tomorrow.” – Chester See, ‘Close Your Eyes With Me’

So often, we tell ourselves that it’s impossible, that it’s useless to pursue it that we eventually believe it. But I think that we have a choice, to decide if the thing or person is worth chasing after. Is it good for us? Will it make a positive difference, an impact? Pursue the things worth pursuing, not the ones that are toxic.

2015: New Year’s Musings and Tributes

“I wasn’t living. I was existing.”

::Song of the Post::

First off, before I get into the depth of this post, sorry for the sudden disappearance and Happy New Year’s to all of you! 2014 has been an eventful year – both happy and sad. For me, it was a year that I was lost at cross-roads, and a very difficult one as I try to find “myself”, so to speak. And yet there was a lot of good, as well – in terms of friends, family and all. My condolences to everyone and all families affected by tragedies, whether it be personal or just difficulties in general last year – MH17and MH370 for example. As a fellow Malaysian, I share in suffering the pain of those affected.

2014 was a huge personal struggle for me. Because I’d lost something that I had, that spark that made me want to do things, to go the extra mile. And at the same time, while I seemed strong on the outside, I wasn’t really. I was empty, a wandering husk so to speak. I was almost completely apathetic, and I knew it. The fact that I knew it made me feel guilty and kept me doubting myself, causing me to regress and go back to someone that I thought I wasn’t anymore – someone who had the mindset of living, but not living. Merely existing. Simply put, for most of the year, I was going through it without that spark of motivation, of passion to live.

There were brief sparks of it, but they were snuffed out either immediately or lasted merely awhile. In a way, I was burnt out and tired – just…tired of everything.

I wasn’t living. I was existing.

It was during my end-of-year holidays visiting my sibling in Australia and after that (having a lot of much-needed conversations) that these struck me.

  1. What am I doing, being this empty person that I know I’m not?
  2. Why am I not living?
  3. I know I’m stronger. So why have I given up on myself?
  4. Have I really lost myself?
  5. Do I know who I am?

We struggle so much to find the meaning of life, to find out who the “true” us is, but I realized, that we were the results of the choices and decisions that we’ve made, that we were defined by our obstacles that we overcame and how we chose to behave afterwards and act.

To put it simply: Life moulds us, but we’re the one with the choice to either go on as before, or change how we act after.

I had chosen to exist, and not live. I knew that I should have changed, but did I?

I didn’t. I didn’t even try.

I didn’t give it my all. And what made it worse was that I knew it.

I regret it, and I still feel guilty about it.

So here is my personal resolution starting this year:

To live my best, while being the best person I can be.

Thanks for reading. Best wishes.

Parents

Just reflecting a bit.

I think that one of the things we often take for granted is our parents.

We see so much, hear so much…

There’s so much happening in the world – joy and suffering, laughter and sadness, lies and pain… Yet sometimes we think so much, maybe too much, or focus so much on other things that we forget what we have and who we have around us.

So that’s why, each day, I give a little thanks, pray a little thanks – feeling grateful for not only the fact that I’m alive, but also because my parents are alive.

So that’s why I hug them when I can, maybe spend a quiet moment or two with them, because –

Sometimes it’s just those little moments that matter. It doesn’t matter how old we are, or how much time has passed – but we shouldn’t, shouldn’t ever take them for granted.

My little challenge to you who’s reading this: go hug your parents, and spend a moment or two with them. It doesn’t matter if there’s talking involved or not. Just. Be with them.

Lying to Ourself

In a sense, all of us are liars.

I’m not talking about lying to people, but the more literal meaning of lying to ourselves.

We make up excuses, and go, “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m perfectly fine.”, “There’s no need to worry about me, really.” – when in fact we are not.

Yeah. Those are the moments/times I’m talking about.

The ones where we like to, have to pretend. Because if we don’t pretend, we would fall apart. And we don’t want to fall apart, because we don’t want to lose control, because if we lose control, we might never be able to pick ourselves up. For that one more time; that again, because it’s just exhausting picking ourselves up after we fall.

It’s never easy, never less difficult each time. Sometimes, it might be more difficult than previous ones, but –

Breaking down and letting go of our emotions completely and utterly, we need it once in awhile. Because in breaking down we find it in ourselves many things – acceptance of the past, maybe, or even the easing of that coil of emotions in us. Or it could just be a cathartic experience, in which you’re just able to let go and not having anything bottled up inside you for once.

Just as there’s no such thing as a perfect person, there’s no such thing as perfect emotional control, only seemingly perfect emotional control.

At one point in life or another, we have to let out the bottled emotions – pain of old memories, haunting moments, fleeting bittersweet periods of life – so that we may just be able to shuffle past that old scar, move on with our lives and actually accept the past.

Instead of just saying, “I know” and making excuses, of continuing that spiral of endlessness.

“You’ve got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you’ve got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never regret.”

– Unknown